Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Mom's Worry. It's Our Job!

Don’t Worry…Okay, worry a little.

I worry.  A lot.  I can’t help it.  If the older kids are going to get into the car and drive somewhere, I worry.  If we are walking through a parking lot and the little kids aren’t holding my hand, I worry.  The other cars can’t see them and, for the love of God…anything could happen!!!

For many years I panicked outwardly and voiced my concerns anytime I had them.  This caused the people around me to do a few things:

1.  Think I am crazy.
2.  Get so irritated with me that they stopped telling me things
3.  Pick Dad to do the important things like, practice driving, which made me feel, well, just fine!

I came to a realization the other day that I am who I am and that is not going to change.  I will worry because I love you and I am not sorry for that.  I have also realized that I don’t have to involve EVERYONE in my worriedness.  I have learned to mute my worry.  For instance, when I am driving with my daughter and she gets too close to the parked car; I no longer gasp and grab the handle and move my legs as far over to the center of the car as if I am going to avoid being killed by moving over.  I simply say “Peyton” in a calm and irritating voice, as the passenger mirror misses the parked car by an inch.  This simple modification allows me to accomplish a number of things:

1.  I get to release some energy created in my moment of panic.
2.  It allows my girl to check her surroundings (she knows I have modified my panic reactions but am actually still panicking).
3.  I get to feel like I have saved the day and most likely I was the reason we didn’t all just get into an accident.  I still get to be me!

Our oldest son just got back from Mexico from a 10+ month student exchange program.  He was fine.  He was more than fine.  He learned, he laughed, he traveled and was immersed in a new language and culture that he would not have experienced at home.  He survived, and so did I.  I did not think at first that we would. But how would we know unless we tried?

I will never stop worrying. Never.  But I will try to let days pass and have fun and let THEM have fun and remember that I cannot protect my family every minute of every day.  As much as I would like to be there all the time, I have to let go.  Ugh…I can’t believe I just said that.  I have to let go….a little.

Have a wonderful 4th of July!


Nikki Lamb